Many types of Dad
Being a dad is not easy, by any stretch. So what does it look like to be a good dad, when you haven't had a good example or you just simply need a hand? Writer Betty takes us through different types of 'Dad'.
A very warm welcome to all our readers, but especially today to our ‘men-folk’!
Recently, we in Aotearoa (New Zealand) Land of the Long White Cloud have celebrated Fathers’ Day.
For me, it was a time to think about how many New Zealanders - for whatever reason - don't have a father in their lives. For them, Fathers' Day can bring painful memories, anger, anxiety and depression. Fathers’ Day and talking about fathers is an opportunity for us as believers to show sensitivity as well as joy.
To honour you Dads, let's explore together a little of what a father can look like and mean to us all.
The Dad
I have often thought for the majority of parents, conceiving appears to be the easy part... it is what comes after that that is the most difficult!
The responsibility, the caring, the commitment, the provision and of course the unconditional love that all come with having a baby!
But some parents may not equipped to raise children. Some of us have not been well parented ourselves, or ever had someone who truly loved us. For these parents, what lies ahead must seem an overwhelming and scary task.
Fathers are such an important part of family life - young boys see how to pattern their life after Dad, and young girls have a safe figure to look up to, one who champions them and protects them. If a Dad isn't around, it can mean that young men feel angry and misunderstood, and young women feel unprotected and unsafe.
But with God's help, we can become people we never thought we could be - even showing love we had previously never known ourselves.
Our Father God showed us that love, and now we can pass it on to our children. He provides the model of right, perfect and good fatherhood and relationship. He helps us to be a father when there isn't one around.
A good Dad
If you are not a Dad yet, one day you may be! If you don't have children of your own, you can still be a Dad to children who look up to you, who follow and admire and want to be like you. You may even have 'spiritual children' - young people you disciple, mentor or just share a cup of tea with!
If you are a Christian and you do become a Dad, hopefully you will pray with and over your children... you can give them no better gift than your love and prayers.
Good fathers praise and encourage their children. They play with them, read to them and show them the good things in life. As a Dad, you get to teach children to value others and value themselves.
Yes, Dads have a special role. Dads, you will show your children a godly role model. I've heard it said ‘If I can look back and see my children walking in my footprints, I will be proud.’ Phew! Could you or I say that? What footprints are you leaving, as stepping stones for your children? Would you like to see them walking in ALL the footprints?
A supported Dad
God didn't plan for Dad's to go it all alone...
Mums, aunts, uncles, grandparents and good friends all contribute, working together to create a strong family unit.
Reflect for a moment on your own childhood... did your Dad point you in a godly direction?
Even if he didn't, he still may well have taught you other things - honesty, love, caring about others, respect, things that shape and build character - sometimes without even knowing it!
We can't control how our Dads are when we are children. All we can control now is how we decide to walk with the Lord, and when our children follow in those footsteps... what a joy that is!
A directed Dad
A father's most powerful influence is his own Christian walk.
All children need to be shepherded and guided - and when you are in sync with Jesus, your children can be in sync with you! So... time for a reality check! How well are you doing, Dad? Do you realize that your children want to be proud of you?
... Could you do with some help?
We are not God. We do not have all the answers. Parenting is not easy and we don't always get it right - sometimes we need to do a little better and sometimes we need advice. There is no shame in that - absolutely none at all! No one wants to embarrass or blame Dads reaching for help. Find someone you admire who you think is a great Dad and ask them to come alongside you and give you some choice tips.
It may even start a great friendship!
A hated Dad
'Fathers, do not exasperate (annoy, wear out) your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.' - Ephesians 6:4
Talking with many men during my years of prison ministry, I realised how many carry, anger, dislike and bad feeling towards their fathers for things they suffered in their childhoods.
So many men were failed by their Dads, and continue to carry crippling disappointment to this day. During one talk on a Fathers' Day at the prison, a young man stood up and said 'I hate my father!'
Afterwards, we were able to talk with him about forgiving his Dad and being able to move on from this powerful, destructive emotion. A little while later, I received a letter from this same inmate, telling me he had phoned his Dad and told him he was sorry for his actions.
Incredibly, they reconciled and his father told him it was the best Fathers Day present ever. He also told his son that he loved him.
A forgiven Dad
Are you reading this right now and thinking of your own difficult relationship with your father?
I was thinking about how cool it would be if someone reading this was brave enough to take the first step toward healing a rift with their own Dad. Do you think it might be you?
And Dads - listen up! You may need to be the one who needs to reach out and offer an apology! It might be you who needs to start healing the hurt caused to your own child. Forgiveness. It is so important. Can I ask you today to consider it?
A text, a letter, a phone call... think of what you are missing out on. There could be children, an unknown daughter-in-law or even a whole family unit you could be part of. All of this could be resolved... healed... restored... wouldn't you love that?
Our small nation of Aotearoa is going through such stressful times for families - low incomes, shortage of homes, food, and social issues of many kinds. It is so bad, that it is newsworthy most days! All this brings enormous strain on families and it is easy to lash out amidst all this chaos. It is for this reason I encourage you TO SEEK THE LORD.
I myself no longer have an earthly father, but I celebrate the greatest Father of all time, my Heavenly Father. And He is a faithful, true God, who never fails and never lets us down.
Will you trust him with your problems today?
Let him bless you and comfort you and shape you into the best Dad ever... because he loves you even better than the best earthly Dad ever could.
Blessings to each and every one of you.
Betty T.
Betty Thompson
WM Writer